Ep 97: Don't Apologize For Having ADHD

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In this powerful episode, I share the personal story that sparked an important conversation about ADHD stigma and responsibility—revealing why "classic ADHD move" thinking is harmful and how to take empowered ownership of your growth without apologizing for who you are.

📌 Key Topics:

• Why linking every mistake to ADHD perpetuates harmful stigma
• The crucial difference between fault vs. responsibility with ADHD
• How to respond confidently when others treat you differently after diagnosis
• Why successful people often don't think they "could possibly have ADHD"
• Breaking free from the "cookie cutter world" that doesn't fit your brain
• Building skills that support your unique wiring without making excuses
• The truth about medication: "pills don't teach skills"

🗣️ Featured Quote: "ADHD is not your fault, but it's your responsibility."

💡 Strategy Breakdown:

• Understand the 9 core executive function skills that need strengthening
• Practice emotional regulation when facing ADHD stigma or misunderstandings
• Build scaffolding systems for time management, organization, and planning
• Develop metacognition to notice patterns without self-judgment
• Create accountability systems that help you do what you say you'll do
• Use your diagnosis as empowerment, not an excuse
• Focus on building skills that work WITH your brain, not against it

🎯 Nine Executive Function Skills to Master:

1. Time Awareness & Management: Tracking time and realistic planning
2. Organization: Creating systems that support, not overwhelm you
3. Planning & Prioritizing: Figuring out what to do first with clear action steps
4. Task Initiation: Getting started even when things feel boring or unclear
5. Working Memory: Supporting your brain's ability to hold and use information
6. Goal Follow-Through: Sustaining momentum on longer-term projects
7. Emotional Regulation: Pausing before reacting and recovering from overwhelm
8. Impulse Control: Thinking before acting or speaking
9. Metacognition: Building self-awareness and adjusting without spiraling

🔑 Key Takeaway: You are not less than or wrong because of your ADHD. Your mistakes aren't always "ADHD moves"—sometimes they're just human mistakes. Everyone has challenges; yours happen to be more noticeable in our cookie-cutter world. The goal isn't to fit into a box that doesn't serve you—it's to build skills that help you thrive as your authentic self while taking responsibility for your growth.

Connect with Mande:
Free Executive Function Self-Check: http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/skills Learn more about private coaching with Mande: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/
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CLICK HERE for more resources. We're on this journey together!

Transcript

all right, so this week is gonna be interesting. I got mad reading my own email and it sparked an important conversation that we need to have. I know this sounds crazy, but I will explain.

So my weekly email went out and I was getting emails back that the planner that I offered didn't have a link. My assistant handles these weekly emails and does it beautifully, by the way. I often read them, and I think that's exactly what I would've written. This particular email had a mistake in it where it said, click here, and it wasn't a link.

There was nowhere to click. So I jumped on the Trello board that my assistant and I used together and said, Hey, there's this mistake. Send an oops email and send everyone on the email list the link to the planner.

So that was done and I read the oops email and it was good, and it said I made a mistake and forgot to link, which is all good. Any mistakes land with me, and I'm more than okay with that. But in parentheses it said. Classic A DHD move, right? And that sentence bothered me When things like this happen, I have the emotional regulation to get curious about why this bothered me. So I really thought about it. What was bothering me about that classic A DHD move, right? It's because it's saying that A DHD equals mistakes, and that's not true.

As always, I ran it by my husband. He could see why I would feel that way about the email, but reminded me it was likely meant to be funny or clever, and I'm sure it was. But I love that it brought this up in me because I think it's such an important message that we all need to hear and remember. How many of you have that person in your life that finds out you have a DHD, and they start treating you differently or thinking about you differently?

It happens. There's a major stigma we have to deal with.

I can't tell you how many people I've talked to diagnosed with A DHD later in life that didn't think that they could possibly have it because they were successful.

I currently have a client that joined a support group of ADHDers, and his biggest takeaway after the first meeting was when the person running the meeting said, it's not always a DHD, meaning that not every problem we have is because of A DHD. Just like not every mistake made is because of A DHD.

Everyone makes mistakes. We hear it, but do we really take it in?

I don't know what's going on lately, but there have been several times recently where my husband and I have had an in-depth conversation about something and he completely forgets about that conversation and defaults back to the previous one. Is that so A DHD of him?

No, he doesn't have a DHD.

You are not less than or wrong because of your A DHD. You're a human having a human experience. Your challenges may be different than other people's, but everyone is dealing with something. I like to say A DHD is not your fault, but it's your responsibility, meaning we need to. Do the work to scaffold and strengthen the areas we have challenges.

That would be your executive function skills, your time management, your time awareness, organization, planning and prioritization, task initiation, working memory goal, sustainability, emotional regulation, your impulse control, your metacognition. I have a tool that I created that will help you know what executive function skills you need help with, and we'll talk about that soon.

The great news is that some of them are probably fine or some will be better than others, but then it's our job to strengthen or support the ones that need it. The most important thing is that we do what we say we will do To others, and most importantly to ourselves. That is the most important skill to learn. That is how we take responsibility for our A DHD. You might use medication to support that, but you will only get so far, we've heard it a million times. Pills don't teach skills. Medicated or not, there are skills to learn that will build us up in areas we struggle.

The fact is our mistakes are simply more noticeable in the cookie cutter world that we live in.

You don't fit in the same box and that's okay. You don't really want to fit in that box anyway. Wouldn't it? Take away some of the things that make you, you?

I can't tell you how many clients I've had working in corporate, severely unhappy with their jobs. They all want to work for themselves really, but barring that, they just want a job with more time freedom or they aren't being micromanaged. Where they aren't being dinged because they don't play office politics or because they think it's a waste of time.

The truth is, I do help them fit into that box better. I can do that. I'm necessary in that way because there is a box in the first place. The difference is I do this while encouraging every one of them to get their passion project going so that they can get out. Several have started podcasts.

YouTube channels started certifications or started taking advantage of the certifications that they already had. Some started writing again because they've had a book in them for so long. Painting, performing, photographing, Corporate or their job doesn't care about any of that. They want you to show up on time, get the job done, play the game, and be sure that you stay in that seat or on that particular task, even when they work from home.

I've had several of my clients poking their mouse during work hours, giving their best creative time to their own projects than working outside of regular hours to check the boxes on the work that doesn't inspire them. And every one of them is excellent at the work that they do.

Exceptional. Even,you know how I know they were half functioning at work before they came to me and still doing better work than their counterparts. I wanna make clear that taking responsibility for your growth is key, as it should be for everyone. But all we can worry about is ourselves.

That is the only person we have control over. So you are wired differently. So what. Well back to being a person that does what they say they will do. When you tell your friend, family member or employer that you will be somewhere at a certain time, it is your responsibility to figure that out.

I definitely mean responsible in an empowering way.

You can absolutely do anything you say. You will do

you just might need to learn some tools and get some support to make that happen. And that's what you're here for, right? You are a whole person right now. Your mistakes are not A DHD necessarily. They could simply be mistakes.

But as humans, we are happier when we grow.

I've made you an executive function self-check so that you know best where to start working on yourself. On YouTube and on the podcast I did an executive function series. That would be a great tool for anything you score low in.

But the PDF will also offer you solutions. You can grab that at www dot. Learn to thrive with adhd.com/skills.

Never apologize for your A DHD if you're ready to stop apologizing and start scaffolding. That's exactly what I help with.

There are tools that make life work with your brain, not against it.

Click the link in the description to get yourself checked with solutions for the executive function skills that need strengthening. If you want one-on-one support for this, that is exactly what I do. I'm happy to support you through this process. Just book a free call with me and we'll create a plan for you together.

WW dot, learn to thrive with adhd.com/services and book a call and you will talk to me personally. I really want you to walk away from this episode with your chin up. You never need to apologize for A DHD. This is simply your challenge that you are learning to work with, and like I said, everyone has something.

Thank you all. I will see you next week.