Learn to Thrive with ADHD Podcast

Ep 98: How to Believe You Can Change (Even If You Keep Failing)

• Mande John • Episode 98

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Have you ever tried to change something - maybe your habits, your routines, your mindset - and found yourself slipping right back into old patterns, again and again? It's frustrating. It's painful. And if you're like a lot of people Coach Mande works with, it makes you wonder: Will I ever really change?

In this episode, Mande tackles one of the most misunderstood parts of change - the part where you're still failing, still falling off track, but you still want it. That desire? That quiet hope you're afraid to say out loud again? It's not weakness. It's the beginning of everything.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

  • Why ADHD brains rarely change in a linear way (and why that's completely normal)
  • How to reframe your "failures" as proof that you haven't given up
  • The difference between starting over and starting deeper
  • Coach Mande's personal 4-step recommit process
  • Real examples of changes that took multiple attempts (including one she's working on right now)
  • How to trust your persistent longing even when execution isn't perfect

Key Takeaway: "If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt. That pain you feel when you fall off track? It's not failure. It's proof of your desire."

Whether you're tired of the same old patterns or afraid to try again because you might fail, this episode will help you see your struggles through a completely different lens - one where your desire to change is evidence that transformation is still possible.

Resources Mentioned:

  • "Failing Forward" by John Maxwell
  • Episode 26: Being in a Hurry to Change
  • Coaching consultations: learntothrivewithadhd.com

Connect with Coach Mande:

Tell us in the comments: What's one thing you still want to change, even if you've failed a hundred times?

Click here for full show notes.

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CLICK HERE for more resources. We're on this journey together!

 Have you ever tried to change something? Maybe it's your habits, your routines, your mindset, and found yourself slipping right back into old. Patterns again and again. It's frustrating, it's painful, and if you're like a lot of people I coach, it makes you wonder, will I ever really change? I'm ADHD coach, Mande John, and today I wanna talk to you about one of the most misunderstood parts of change.

The part where you're still failing and still falling off track, but you still want it, that desire, that quiet hope that you're afraid to say out loud again.

It is not weakness. It's the beginning of everything. We're sold on this idea that change is linear. You decide to stop doing something or start doing something, and boom, you'll stick with it forever. But A DHD brains rarely work like that.

We cycle, we start strong, then forget, then burnout, then get inspired again. And the worst part isn't even the slip. It's what we make it mean about us.

We think maybe I don't want it enough. Maybe I'm not capable. But here's the truth, if you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.

That pain you feel when you fall off track. It's not failure, it's proof of your desire. It means you haven't given up or there's still a version of you inside that's pulling you forward.

And that's the part that we need to trust. Not your perfect execution, but your persistent longing to change. Trying and failing is not the exception. It's the rule. It's inevitable.

It's how your brain figures out what works for you and what doesn't and what you actually want. As long as you keep holding belief that change is possible, even in the moments when nothing is working. This is just part of the process. It's not a detour, it's a path.

This is something I do with my clients and myself. Check in. Do I still want this review? What made it hard? What tripped me up this time? Revise what needs to shift. Environment support expectation, Recommit. I still want this and I'm trying Again, you're not starting over. You're starting deeper. There are so many times I failed before I've gotten good following a calendar, not eating in front of the tv, leaving my car clean when I leave it. Cutting out sugar, flour and grains, stopping impulsive spending, reducing late night tv, not drinking caffeine afternoon, grabbing my phone first thing in the morning.

These are all things that I tried and failed and tried and failed, and finally got, and now they're just not even something I think about anymore. And one thing I'm still in the middle of right now is becoming a person who exercises daily. I do it for a week, then stop for two, then I start again, then I fall off again.

But I keep going back to that desire to be someone who moves their body every day.

And I know I'll get there because the wanting hasn't gone away. each of these habits didn't shift right away. I would try then fall off, then try again. But in every single case, the discomfort of not falling through didn't mean I was broken. It meant I still cared.

And that discomfort became part of the fuel I used to keep going. And then there's the next layer, the fear that even if you change, you'll fall back again. This fear is so common in coaching. I hear it from my clients all the time, and I felt it myself. I can't tell you how many times I've gone back to my coaches and said, all right, I've made this change, but I'm afraid I'm gonna fall back.

There's a voice that says, why bother? I always mess it up again eventually, but here's what I wanna offer you today. Instead of fearing, you'll fall back. Remind yourself I know how to come back. You've changed before you've grown. Before. You've taken a break and restarted before. That means you now have something most people don't, a path back. You've made the map. Even if you forget the route, it's still there.

You're not starting from zero anymore. So if you are in that in-between space where nothing is sticking, but your desire is still alive, please don't give up on yourself. That's not the end of your story. That's the part where transformation is happening underground.

And if you want help recommitting to the changes that you keep longing for, book a consultation with me at www dot. Learn to thrive with adhd.com/services. We'll review, revise and recommit together. Tell me in the comments what's the one thing you still wanna change, even if you failed a hundred times.

I'd love to know. Thank you guys. I will see you next week.