Ep 126 - Feeling Good for ADHD: Executive Function Meets Mind Management

Today we're talking about Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns — the book that changed my life in my 20s, and one I've gifted over 100 times. It's not just for depression and anxiety; the concepts in it are now central to how I coach people with ADHD.

ADHD doesn't just affect what we do — it affects how we feel about what we do, and the stories we tell ourselves when we forget something, procrastinate, or fall off a routine. In this episode, I walk through the most common thought distortions I see in ADHD brains, and a simple technique for catching and reframing them before they turn into shame.

✅ Why the thought matters as much as the task 

✅ The 7 cognitive distortions that show up most with ADHD 

✅ The Triple Column Technique for reframing a negative thought 

✅ Why action — even small action — changes your mood 

✅ How to build habits that survive your worst days, not just your best ones

🎁 Grab the free ADHD Thought Reset Guide: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/reset

#adhdcoach #adhdcoaching #adultadhd #adultadd #adhdhelp

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Transcript

Welcome to Learn to Thrive with ADHD. This is the podcast for adults with ADHD or ADHD like symptoms. I'm your host coach, Maddie John. I'm here to make your life with ADHD easier. Let's get started.

Today we're talking about a book that changed my life in my 20s. It's called Feeling Good by Doctor David Burns. This, for sure, is the book that I have gifted the most in my life. I'm guessing I have given away over 100 copies over the years. If someone tells me that they're struggling with depression or anxiety, this is always the book I think of first.

But this book is not just for depression anxiety. It changed the way I looked at my thoughts, feelings, my world and other people

And what I didn't know was back then, years later, when I became a certified coach, I would be revisiting many of these same ideas. They are now a part of how I work with people with ADHD.

So in this episode, I want to talk about Feeling Good by Doctor David Burns and why it mattered so much to me personally, how the concepts in this book can help us understand ADHD in a deeper way. Because ADHD is not about planners, routines, reminders, and getting things done. It's also about thoughts we have when those things feel hard, when we get stuck, or when we start believing there's something wrong with us.

Before we get into it, I also created a free thought reset guide along with this episode. It walks you through how to catch the thought underneath the feeling. Identify the distortion. Reframe it in a way your brain can actually believe and choose the next small step. I found this book during a really hard season in my 20s. I was newly married and I stopped working for the first time, and that might not sound like a big deal, but I had been working since I was really young.

My grandpa had a large baby, so as kids we started working really early. Working had always been a part of who I was just out of high school. I worked three jobs through the warmer months, which was a lot of the year in the desert. This was full time at McDonald's, working graveyard, and then I would work at the city pool.

I would lifeguard in the morning and teach swim lessons. And then about noon, I would work at a private pool where I was a solo lifeguard. I closed at about 6 p.m., if I'm remembering correctly. Went home, got some sleep, started over again. So when I stopped working, I think I lost a part of my identity. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I didn't know who I was. Without that structure and responsibility and that sense of purpose. And I became really depressed. And eventually I went to see a county psychologist, and this was not a good experience. He mostly sat there and stared at me. And I know there is a school of psychology where a therapist waits for you to talk, but this approach did not work for me.

Maybe he asked me some questions and I didn't answer them very well. I don't know, I was young and probably, I didn't know how to explain what was happening internally for me. But what I remember is sitting there for 2 or 3 appointments, feeling really awkward and uncomfortable and feeling completely unsupported. And at the last appointment, he reached behind me, pulled out a bright yellow book off the shelf, handed it to me and told me I should read it.

and I don't know why I took his advice because I didn't really like him. And I didn't like his method.

And I wasn't enjoying therapy at all. But I did take the book home. And I remember sitting in the corner of my couch and reading it.

I didn't read all the scientific parts at first. I read the stories in the book and the concepts, and something clicked for me. I understood for the first time that my thoughts were creating my feelings. It was what I was thinking that was causing so much of the depression I was feeling. The realization changed everything for me. Now you may be wondering what this has to do with ADHD.

And the answer is so much because ADHD doesn't just affect what we do, it affects how we feel about what we do. It affects how we interpret our struggles. It affects the stories we tell ourselves when we forget something, procrastinate, lose track of time,

Avoid a task or fall out of a routine. A lot of ADHD ers are not just dealing with

the missed appointment, the messy kitchen, the unopened mail, or the unfinished project. They're also dealing with the meaning they attach to those things. I'm lazy. I never follow through.

I always mess things up. Everyone else can do this, why can't I? And those thoughts matter because they create feelings. They create shame, dread, overwhelm, discouragement, hopelessness. And when we feel those things, it becomes even harder to take action. That's why feeling good connects so deeply with ADHD. This book gives us a way to look at our thoughts underneath the struggle.

It helps us see the problem is not just the task, the routine, or the system. Sometimes the problem is also the story we're telling ourselves about what it means when that task feels hard.

And when we can see the story, we can start to question it.

When people get on a consultation call with me, I share with them the work that I do.

I explain that there are two sides to it. One side is the executive function side. These are the skills that help us manage life. Things like organization, planning, prioritization, working memory, task initiation, getting started, emotional regulation, time management, goal sustainability, and follow through. And with ADHD, these are all areas where people can struggle, if not all of them.

Most of them.

These skills live largely in our prefrontal cortex. And that is the part of the brain that ADHD impacts. So yes, we work with those skills. We build them. We strengthen them, we support them. And sometimes we just bypass them completely. We do this with habits, structures, routines, reminders, body lean visual cues, simplified systems, environmental design and accountability.

And this is the practical side of ADHD coaching. This is the part most people will expect when they come to an ADHD coach. That is what you will get from most ADHD coaches. They expect the calendars, the routines, organization, getting started, staying consistent, finishing what they start. And we absolutely do that. But the other side of the work, my work and the part that I think is so powerful is the mind management piece.

And this is where the concept of feeling good comes in. Doctor Barnes talks about how there is a circumstance, and then we have a thought about that circumstance. And that thought creates a feeling. And that feeling drives what we do or not do.

And then those actions create the result that we get. And this matters so much for ADHD because we can have the best planner in the world. We can have the perfect routine written down. We can know exactly what would help us. We can be excited about it and believe it's a great idea. And then somewhere along the way, we get stuck.

And maybe the novelty wears off and we get stuck. The task feels boring and we miss one day and we decide it's all ruined. Maybe we start thinking here. Here I go again. I never stick with anything. Maybe we feel shame, overwhelmed or feel discouraged. And then we stop. Not because the system was necessarily wrong or we were incapable, but because the thoughts and feelings around the system started to take us out.

That's why the mind management piece is so important. It helps us notice what's happening in the middle. It helps us catch the thoughts that are creating the shame, dread, overwhelm, or discouragement. It helps us work through those thoughts so that we can keep going long enough for the thing to become a habit, a routine, or even a ritual.

And that is the goal. Because once something becomes a habit, we are no longer relying so heavily on the part of the brain that's the hardest for us to access consistently. We're not having to effort through every single time. We're not having to make a brand new decision every day. We're not depending completely on motivation and willpower or that prefrontal cortex that already has so much demand on it.

We're moving through the behavior into a different part of the brain. And that is where things start to be easier.

This is why so many people with ADHD get frustrated with themselves. So they think I know what to do. So why am I not doing it? And then they turn that into something about their character. They make it mean that they're lazy, inconsistent, unreliable, or undisciplined. But knowing what to do and being able to consistently do it are not the same thing.

Especially when ADHD is involved.

if we only work on the executive function side, we might create a beautiful plan. We might have a calendar, the checklists, the reminders, the routine, the structure. But if someone misses a day and immediately thinks, see, I knew I couldn't do this. That thought can collapse the whole thing. The routine did not fail because the person was hopeless.

The routine got interrupted, and then the thought about the interruption created shame or discouragement. And the shame and discouragement are not good fuel for being back on track. So mind management helps us separate the circumstance from the story. The circumstance might be I missed a day of my workout and the story might be I never fall through. Circumstance might be.

There are dishes in the sink and story might be I can't manage my life or my favorite. This is going to take forever. The circumstance might be I forgot to return the text and the story might be I'm a bad friend. And those stories matter because they create feelings. If I feel ashamed, I might avoid. If I feel defeated, I might quit.

If I feel overwhelmed, I might freeze. If I feel hopeless, I might not even try. But if I can catch the thought in question, I have a chance to create a different feeling. And from that feeling, I can take a different action instead of I never follow through. The thought becomes I miss today, I can restart tomorrow instead of I can't manage my life.

Maybe it becomes my house is giving me information that my systems need support instead of I'm a bad friend. Maybe it becomes I forgot to respond. I can send a simple text. Now,

That shift might sound small, but it's not small because for the ADHD brain, the difference between shame and possibility is huge. Shame shut us down. Possibility opens the door. And when the door opens even a little bit, we can take the next step. And that next step is what we were really looking for.

Most of the time, we're not trying to solve the entire problem in one moment. We're trying to get movement again. We're trying to help our nervous system, subtle enough that the brain can come back online. We're trying to create just enough hope or even enough neutrality that we can do the next small thing. This is where feeling good was so powerful for me.

It helped me understand. My thoughts were not just background noise, they were not harmless little sentences floating around in my brain. They were creating the experience of my life.

And I think this is especially important for ADHD is because so many of us have lived with that really loud inner critic. We've had years of evidence to prove that critic right. We have forgotten things. We we've been late. We've lost things. We've missed deadlines. We started and stopped routines disappointed ourselves and other people. So when the brain says, see, this is just who you are, it can feel very believable, but it doesn't mean that it's true.

It may be a thought that you've practiced for a long time. It may be a thought that came from years of criticism or misunderstanding. Maybe a thought that feels familiar but familiar is not the same thing as factual. And that is one of the things I love about this work. We're not trying to pretend ADHD doesn't create real challenges.

And we're not trying to pretend that thoughts magically fix everything they do not. We are not saying just think positive and your ADHD will go away. Absolutely not. But what we are saying is the way you think about your ADHD symptoms matter. Because that thought I need support with this creates a very different feeling than I'm a disaster.

The thought the system needs to be adjusted creates a very different feeling. Then I always fail the thought. My brain needs more structure here creates a very different feeling. Then why am I like this? And from those different feelings, we can take different actions and we can problem solve. We can ask for help. We can simplify. We can lower the barrier.

Restart without dragging the shame with us.

That is a bridge between executive function work and mine management. The tools matter, but the thoughts we have about the tools matter, too. This is where cognitive distortions come in. Doctor Barnes talks about ways our brains distort reality, especially when we're depressed, anxious, ashamed, or discouraged. And when I first read about these distortions, I remember feeling like someone had opened a window in my brain.

I could see how often I was taking one moment and turning it into a whole identity. I could see how often I was using words like always or never. I could see how often I was discounting what went really well and only counting what I did wrong.

And I see this with ADHD all the time. We missed one deadline and the brain says I'm completely unreliable. We have one hard morning and the brain says I can't do routines. We forget one thing in the brain says I'm hopeless. This is not just a thought. This is a distortion. The brain taking a piece of information and turning it into a painful story.

One of the most common distortions I see with ADHD is all or nothing thinking. This is when we see things as either perfect or failed. Either I followed the routine exactly or I blew it. Either I finished the whole project or I did nothing. Either I'm consistent forever. I'm not a consistent person, and this is a way of thinking that is brutal for ADHD years, because the ADHD brain naturally is more variable.

If we interpret every imperfect day as a failure, we spend a lot of our lives feeling like we're failing. Another common distortion is overgeneralization. This is when one event becomes evidence for everything. I forgot this one thing, so I always forget everything. I struggled with this one project so I never finish anything. I was late today so I'm always a mess.

Even if there is a pattern. The thoughts still might not be accurate or useful.

I sometimes struggle with time. Gives us something to work with. I'm always a mess. Just buries us in shame.

Then there's discounting the positive, which ADHD can do all the time. We can have ten things go right, one thing go wrong, and our brain will build a whole story around that. One thing that went wrong. Someone compliments us, and we think they're just being nice. If we finish part of a task, we think it doesn't count because I didn't finish all of it.

But when we discount the positive, we rob ourselves of the evidence that we are growing, learning and showing up. Another distortion that shows up a lot with ADHD is mind reading. This is when we assume we know what someone else is thinking. Someone sends a short text and we think they're annoyed with me.

Someone doesn't respond right away and we think they must be upset for ADHD years, especially those of us who have experienced rejection sensitivity, dysphoria, or a lot of correction over the years. This can feel automatic, but often we're reading into a story our brain created, not something that we actually know. And then there's fortune telling, which is when we predict the future as if it's already decided.

I'm not going to stick with this. This routine will not last. There's no point to starting because I know how this ends.

That thought can feel protective, like the brain is trying to save us from disappointment. But it's also keeping us from trying, experimenting, and giving ourselves a chance to have a different outcome.

I also see a lot of labeling with ADHD. This is when we take a behavior and turn it into an identity instead of I procrastinated becomes I am lazy. Instead of I lost my keys, it becomes I am irresponsible. Or instead of I interrupted, it becomes I am rude. Labels are heavy and they don't point us toward a solution.

They just make us feel worse about ourselves. A more helpful way to look at this is to keep the behavior separate from the identity. I procrastinate is something that we can work with. I'm lazy. Feels like a fact. I lost my keys as a problem solver. I'm irresponsible. Feels like a character flaw.

When we can separate what happened from who we are, we give ourselves a much better chance of changing the pattern. This is also where emotional reasoning comes in. Emotional reasoning is when we believe something is true because it feels true.

I feel overwhelmed, so this must be impossible. I fell behind so I must be failing. I feel embarrassed so everyone must be judging me. Feelings are powerful. They feel like evidence. But feelings are not always facts. They're signals. They're information. They're worth paying attention to. But they're not always accurate conclusions. For eight years, emotional reasoning can be especially intense because our emotions can come vast and strong.

We can go from fine to flooded very quickly. And when that happens, the thought underneath the feeling can feel absolutely true. But part of this work is learning to pause and say, this feels true, but is it true? Or this feels impossible, but is it impossible? Or is my brain just overwhelmed right now? This is not about arguing with yourself or bullying yourself into a better mood.

It's about saying, of course this feels the way it feels because of what I'm thinking. If I'm thinking I ruined everything, of course I feel devastated. If I'm thinking I'll never catch up. Of course I feel panicked. If I'm thinking everyone is disappointed in me. Of course I want to hide the feeling. Makes sense. When we understand the thought.

Then the next question is is the thought something I want to keep practicing? Sometimes the answer is no, not because we're trying to deny reality, but because we're trying to tell the truth in a way that helps move us.

maybe the new thought is I am overwhelmed and I can take one step. Maybe it's I'm behind and I can choose what matters most. Or I made a mistake and I can repair it. Maybe it's. This is hard for my brain and I can create support.

This is why I think the feeling good book is so helpful for ADHD. I guess it's the way to slow down and look at the thought. Instead of just being swallowed by the feeling.

It helps us ask. What am I telling myself right now? Is this accurate? Is it helpful? Is there a kinder, more truthful way to say this?

Not the fake kind, not toxic positivity or pretending everything's fine, but truthful in a way that leaves room for growth? Because that's really the point. We're trying to create thoughts that help us move forward. We're trying to create thoughts that tell us the truth without crushing us. We're creating thoughts that allow us to take responsibility without turning ourselves into the problem.

And for ADHD years, this can be life changing because when we stop making every struggle mean that something's wrong with us.

then we have so much more energy available to actually support ourselves. Another tool Doctor Burns teaches in Feeling Good is the triple column technique. And I think this is such a practical way to begin doing this work. The idea is simple.

In the first column you write down the negative thought. In the second column you identify the distortion, and in the third column you write a more accurate, balanced response, not a fake positivity response or something sugary that your brain immediately rejects. Just something more truthful and more useful for example, the thought might be, I never finish anything. That thought feels believable to the ADHD brain, especially if you have a trail of unfinished projects.

Half used planners, abandoned hobbies and routines that maybe lasted three days. But when we slow it down, we can see the distortion.

I never finish anything is probably an over generalization. Or it might be all or nothing. Thinking never is a big word. Anything is a big word and probably not completely true. A more balanced thought might be I do struggle to finish things, especially when they're boring, unclear, overwhelming, or no longer interesting.

but I've finished many things in my life, and I can make this easier by breaking it down or getting support. That thought still tells the truth. It does not pretend. Finishing is easy. It does not pretend. ADHD is not part of the struggle, but it also does not turn the struggle into a life sentence.

Another example might be I am lazy. This one I hear all the time and really breaks my heart because most people that are saying this are just exhausted from trying too hard. They're not lazy, they're often overwhelmed, under supported, dysregulated, or trying to use strategies that just weren't built for their brain.

So in the second column we might identify this as labeling. It could also be emotional reasoning. I feel unmotivated so I must be lazy.

Then in the third column we might write I am not lazy.

I'm having trouble with task initiation right now. My brain needs more clarity, more interest, more urgency, more support, or a smaller first step. Again, that thought does not erase responsibility. It gives us a doorway into problem solving. Because if the problem is I am lazy, where do we even go from there? But if the problem is I need help with task initiation, now we have something we can work with.

When you change the thought, you're not trying to feel better. For the sake of feeling better, you're changing the thought so that you can access different action. It's not like I am lazy. Usually creates shame. Shame usually creates avoidance. Avoidance creates more evidence that you're not doing the thing. And then the brain says, see, I told you, but I thought like that.

I need a smaller first step. Creates possibility, and possibility might lead to. As you set a timer for five minutes, open a document, put away one dish, send one text, or ask someone to sit with you while you begin.

That's how this becomes practical. We use it when the ADHD brain wants to collapse a whole day into one mistake. We use it when we miss a habit, and we want to quit, or when we're overwhelmed by a task and our brain says, I can't do this.

We can use it when our inner critic gets loud and tries to convince us that our symptoms are character flaws. And this is where compassion starts to be a strategy. For most ADHD years, we've tried shame as a strategy. For years they have tried criticizing themselves in action. They've tried panic. They've tried guilt. They've tried waiting until the pressure is unbearable.

And yes, sometimes those things create movement, but they're expensive. They cost us energy, confidence, and emotional well-being.

Compassion doesn't mean that we don't have expectations. Compassion means that we tell the truth without attacking ourselves. It means we say, this is hard for me and I can get support for myself through it.

Or I got off track and I can come back. Or my brain needs scaffolding, not shaming.

This is where the executive function side and the mine management side meet. Again. If I notice for thought I can't do this.

I can answer it with something more balanced, like I can do the first two minutes. Then the executive function strategy might be to set a timer. If I notice the thought, I always forget, I can answer it with my working memory needs external support. Then the strategy might be a visual reminder, an alarm, or putting an item by the door.

If I notice the thought, I never stick with routines. I can answer it with my routines need to be easy to restart. Then the strategy might be creating a minimum baseline version of the habit. That minimum baseline version is so important for ADHD. Some times we design habits for our best day brain, but we need routines that can survive real life.

We need routines that can survive a bad night's sleep, a busy morning, a low dopamine day, a sick kid I packed schedule or day when our brain is just not cooperating. So instead of I have a full workout to do, maybe it's the baseline of I put on my shoes and walk for five minutes instead of I have to clean the whole kitchen.

Maybe it's a baseline of I clear one counter instead of I have to write a whole thing. The baseline might be I open the document and I write one sentence. This is not lowering the standard in a bad way. This is creating a path.

This is how we build consistency without requiring perfection. And when we pair that with my management, we stop making the smaller version mean something negative. We stop saying that doesn't count or I should be doing more. Instead, we start saying, this is me keeping a habit alive, or this is me practicing coming back. Or maybe this is how I work with my brain instead of against it.

That's the kind of change we're looking for. Not perfect. Not every single day, but consistent enough that it becomes a part of our life. Another piece from Feeling Good that connects so well with ADHD is the idea that action changes our mood, and I know that that can sound annoying when you're stuck, because the last thing you want to hear is just do something.

That's not what I mean. And I don't think that that's what Doctor Berns is saying either. This is not about pretending. It's easy to take action when you're depressed, overwhelmed, ashamed, or in ADHD paralysis. It's about understanding the cycle. When we feel terrible, we tend to do less, and when we do less, we feel worse. And then the worse we feel, the harder it is to act.

And before we know it, we're in the loop where our brain is using the lack of action as evidence that we can't do anything. This happens all the time with ADHD. We avoid the email, then the email gets scarier. We avoid the laundry, and the laundry becomes a mountain. We avoid the project and the project starts to feel impossible.

Avoidance gives short term relief, but it often creates long term pressure.

Doctor Burns talks about using a daily activity schedule where you plan simple activities. Then you track what you actually do. And I think this can be really helpful for ADHD years, as long as we don't turn it into another perfectionistic system.

The goal is not to create a beautiful color coded schedule that we use to beat ourselves up, but the goal is to create a little bit of structure and a little bit of evidence. Evidence that we can take action, that small things count, that our mood can shift when we move even a little. In the book, he talks about labeling activities for mastery and pleasure.

Mastery is anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Pleasure is anything that gives you enjoyment, comfort, or a little bit of relief. ADHD or need both. Mastery might be opening the mail, putting five dishes in the dishwasher, taking medication, sending one overdue text, getting dressed, or making that phone call. These things may look small from the outside, but when our brain is overwhelmed, they're not small.

They're movement. They're evidence. They're the beginning of momentum. Pleasure might be sitting outside with your coffee, listening to music while you clean, walking around the block, texting someone who makes you laugh, reading a few pages of a book, or doing something creative. Pleasure is not the reward that you get after you've been productive. Pleasure is part of emotional regulation.

It's part of being human. And for eight years it can also be fuel. And so many ADHD shares try to build lives that are all demand and no reward. We make lists full of shoulds. We create routines

that feel like punishment. We build schedules that have no room for our actual nervous system, and then we wonder why we rebel against them.

Of course we do. Or the ADHD brain is interspace. It's motivated by novelty, urgency, challenge, passion, and reward. So if we build a life that's only obligation.

We're going to struggle to stay engaged. And that's why I think the daily activity schedule can be adapted in a really ADHD friendly way.

Instead of using it as a strict hour by hour plan, we can use it to ask, where can I create a little mastery today? Where can I create a little pleasure today? What is one thing that would help me feel more capable? Those questions move us away from shame and into support. And again, this connects right back to the mind management.

When we're stuck, our brain says nothing will help or there's no point or I'm too far behind or I have to fix everything. Today, those thoughts create heaviness, but we can shift into what's one small action that might give me a little relief, then everything changes. We're not trying to solve our whole life in one afternoon.

We are trying to create one tiny piece of evidence that can help us move. We opened the document and maybe one sentence becomes three. We put one dish away and maybe we do five, or we put on the shoes and maybe we walk around the block. We send the text and the dreads drops by half. This is not because action magically fixes everything.

It's because action gives the brain new information.

The overwhelmed ADHD brain may say you can't. Small action says maybe I can. The inner critic says you never follow through. Small action, says I can follow through on this. Shame says you're stuck. Small action says I moved.

And that's how we begin to interrupt the cycle. So when we bring all of this together, this is what I want you to remember. Your systems matter. Your thoughts about those systems matter to the planner, the reminder, the routine, the body doubling, the simplified system, the visual cue, the accountability, the environment. They all matter.

But when those supports don't work perfectly and they won't, the thought that you might have next can either help you restart or push you deeper into shame. And that's why this work matters. Feeling good helps us see that the thought is not just a thought. It becomes part of a system. It can make it the next action to feel more possible, or it can make it feel impossible.

So where do we begin? The first place to begin is just noticing. Not changing anything yet, not fixing anything yet. Just noticing when you feel that wave of shame, overwhelm, dread, anxiety, defeat, you can pause and ask, what am I telling myself right now? That one question is powerful because most of the time we're reacting to the thought without even realizing that we had it.

We're just automatically inside the feeling. But when we ask, what am I telling myself? We start to create a little bit of distance. Maybe you notice the thought, I'm so behind. I should have figured this out by now. I always mess things up.

Maybe it's I can't handle my life or everyone else is doing this and I can't. Whatever the thought is, write it down. If you can get it out of your head and onto paper. The second step is ask, is this a fact? Or is this a story? A fact is something that could be proven in a court of law.

There are three unpaid bills on the counter. That is a fact. I'm terrible with money. That is a story I miss. Deadline is a fact. I always ruin opportunities. Is a story I forgot to respond to. The text is a fact. I'm a bad friend is a story. The third step is to look for the distortion. Is this all or nothing thinking?

Am I turning this one mistake into everything?

Am I using words like always or never? And my mind reading and my predicting the future? Am I labeling myself? Am I discounting what went right? Am I believe in something just because I feel it strongly? You don't have to identify it perfectly. It's not a test.

The point is simply to help your brain loosen its grip on the thought. The fourth step is to answer the thought with something more accurate and more useful. Not fake positive.

Not everything is amazing and I'm perfect. Your brain will probably reject that immediately.

We're looking for the thought that is believable enough to practice something like I am behind and I can choose the next right step, or I miss the deadline and I can repair what I can. Or this is hard for my brain and I can create support. Or I got off track and I'm learning how to come back

Then the fifth step is to take one small action from the new thought. Not a huge action, not a whole project, not entire routine, just one small action. Open the email, put the shoes by the door. Set the timer for five minutes. Write the first sentence. Put one dish away. Send the simple text. Look at the calendar. Ask for help.

Make the task visible.

Lower the barrier. Do one thing that tells your brain we're not stuck forever. We're moving. And I really want to emphasize that this is a practice. You're not going to read one book or hear one episode, or do one worksheet, and then suddenly you never have that harsh thought again.

That's not how the ADHD brain works. The win is noticing the thought sooner, believing it a little bit less, pausing before you spiral and answering yourself with a little more truth and kindness and taking one small action instead of disappearing into shame. That's how change happens. We notice the thought. We question the thought. We support the brain. We take the next step.

And over time, those small moments build into a completely different relationship with ourselves. That to me is the heart of this episode. Feeling good gave me a way to understand that my thoughts were not facts. ADHD coaching gave me a way to understand that my brain needed support,

And when you put those two things together, it's a powerful combination. I can support my executive function challenges without shaming myself for having them. I can build habits and routines without making one mistake mean I'm helpless. I can take a responsibility without attacking myself. I can tell the truth and still be kind.

And if you want help practicing this, I created the free ADHD Thought Reset Guide for you. It gives you a simple worksheet to walk through this circumstance. The thought, the feeling, the action, the results, and a more hopeful thought that you can practice. Instead. You can use this when you feel stuck, ashamed, overwhelmed, or like you're spiraling. You can go to Learn to Thrive with adhd.com/reset to download it.

Thank you all. I'll see you next week.

Thank you for your time today, and especially your attention. If you're anything like me, you love to learn. Sometimes, though, we can know what to do but struggle to put it into action without the right support. That's what Private ADHD coaching is for. To give you the unique support and accountability you need to make the change you know is possible.

Book a free consultation with me today at WW W learn to thrive with ADHD Tor.com Backslash Services. I look forward to meeting you.